Take a drink. But not two. Or fifty.

News just in.

A government campaign will try to tackle Britain's Booze infatuation by pointing out the damage that can be caused by over-drinking. Sounds eminently sensible. (Though most people know it and just don't care, but if that was realised we'd have to shut down a lot of anti-swally charities and government-financed bodies).

Part of this campaign is to target the over-35s (hello!) who drink 2 to 3 glasses of wine a night. They risk long term damage to bits of the body such as liver, heart, bladders, spleens - pretty much everything.

And they also point to the risk of doing yourself an injury due to being steaming by falling over, getting run over and the like. This has direct relevance as I once stumbled and dropped my fish supper on Edinburgh's Leith Walk. Like the scene in Battleship Potemkin, it all went in slow motion, as the just-unwrapped supper left my opened grasp and fell onwards and forwards to the concrete slabs. I stood like Richard Dreyfus in front of the spaceship in Close Encounters of the Third Kind - stunned and amazed. How could this happen to me? Well, yes, I wasn't hurt but, like the Proclaimers would say, my heart was broken.

Anyway, a few year's ago it was discovered that drinking red wine each day would do your heart some good. (Cabernet Sauvignon in particular, seemingly).

Now, the government recommend that the daily limit per person is:

2/3 units for women
3/4 for men.

So what's the problem? If a glass of wine is one unit, and you drink 3 of them, then you're inside what the government tell you to drink.

Ah, no. You see what's happened is that people don't realise the strength of what they're drinking and so go over the limit.

Absolute rubbish.

People know exactly what strength the swally is. That's how we buy it, by inspecting the label for the small (usually gold) lettering saying 12, 12.5, 13, or if going that extra mile: 14%. We compare it off against the price and make an informed decision.

You've got to admire the pluck, determination and character of the government and associated bodies: fighting the good fight against an ever-increasing wave of booze coming over us all.

The minister charged with stopping the swallnami, Dawn Primarolo (which I think should be a cheeky pinot grigio available for £3.79) said: "It's primarily aimed at over-35s because it's clear from research that that age range is less well-informed, at time clueless".

So, we're old, drunk and stupid.

It's enough to drive you to the place where they sell drink.